


I always think about you (and how we don't speak enough)

by louisnharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cute Kids, Famous Harry, Famous Louis, Fluff, Lack of Communication, Love, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 19:18:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15371511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisnharry/pseuds/louisnharry
Summary: Harry has a trip to Jamaica to write his album, and Louis kind of wishes he could go as well.





	I always think about you (and how we don't speak enough)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is the first fic I've finished in a while! I know it's super short but it's a beginning, and I would really appreciate if you have something to say about it that would help me get better with my writing :)

After a long day of work in the studio, Louis gets inside his flat with tired eyes, not even noticing the couple of suitcases hanging lazily on the living room. Harry was already in bed, spooning one of the pillows while he watched TV.

Louis smiled, taking off his shoes to jump right next to him. Harry came back home right after finishing filming a movie, which was a hell for him, to be honest. He didn’t remember the last time they were separate for more than two months.

 

“Your hair looks shorter,” Louis said, running his fingers through Harry’s short hair. “Do you have an event soon?”

Harry smiled and nodded, turning his head in Louis’ direction.

“Wanted to go to Jamaica for a bit to record some songs, Jeff is gonna have the whole thing on tape.”

 

And that was the big bomb where Harry actually meant: “I’m leaving for a long time, and you can’t come with me.”

 

“You just came back…” Louis laughed, already feeling his own anxiety filling his stomach.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He shrugged. “I don’t care, really.”

 

Louis stood up, walking to the bathroom to take a shower. Harry shook his head, biting his lips nervously. The feeling of guilt quickly overcoming excitement and he didn’t know what to do, to be honest.

It was always the same since they went on break; Louis worked all day, sometimes in L.A. and sometimes in London. This year they could barely talk to each other thanks to Harry’s new film and Louis being busy writing.

Their conversations always ended with a sad air between them, and they won’t talk for the next days if Harry is lucky. Louis was tired, he understood that, but he wanted to hear it from his mouth, he wanted Louis to ask him to stay.

Slowly, stood up as well, walking to the bathroom. The door was locked.

 

“Louis?” he asked, knocking the door. He heard a little hmm as a response. “Can I come in, please?”

“Kinda busy over here. Not really on the mood to get porn-y, if I’m honest.”

Harry huffed, a little smile on his face now. “I just want to talk.”

 

The sound of the shower was the response to that, and he knew Louis was going to take a long shower to make this a torture for him. After half an hour, Louis was out of the bathroom with his underwear on.

He jumped on the bed again, but this time without even looking at him.

 

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Yeah… I-I wanted to know, if you’re okay with me leaving?” Harry looked at him, already knowing what he was about to say. “Please, I need you to talk to me. Don’t just say it’s okay.”

Louis sighed, giving him the same sad look. He knew what to say; he just didn’t know how to take the words out of his mouth. “I just- I’m gonna miss you. We haven’t been able to rest and now I’m free and you’re leaving.”

He cleared his throat, thinking maybe his voice would betray him. “I’m gonna miss you, too. You have no idea.”

“I wish I could go…” He whispered, more to himself but Harry was so close he could hear perfectly.

 

Harry smiled, leaving a kiss on his cheek and resting his head on Louis’ shoulder. He wanted him to go, too. Louis would make this trip ten times better and he would love his new band.

 

“I’ll talk to Jeff,” He said, wrapping his arms around him. “I just wish you could talk to me more, all you had to do was ask.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry. I just kinda learned how to hide what I feel these days.”

Harry felt his eyes water at that, he remembered when they first met; Louis wouldn’t keep his mouth shut, always speaking out loud what was on his mind. Now he didn’t even give his opinion.

“We’ll work on that, ‘kay?” He kissed his jaw, feeling his boyfriend giggle. “I love you.”

“I-I love you, too.”

 

 

 

 

Harry called Jeff early in the morning, right after breakfast.

 

“I was wondering if Louis can come with me, to Jamaica.”

 

He heard his manager sigh and he had to roll his eyes, he knew what was coming.

 

“I mean… It’s fine by me, but Louis is not even allowed to mention your name in public, I don’t want problems with his team.”

“They won’t know anything, I promise.”

“Harry,” he warned. “Have him talk to his manager, I don’t have business with Louis.”

 

He hung up, leaving Harry with a headache and sickness. One more time, he had to deny his own boyfriend to be with him.

 

“He said no, didn’t he?” Louis asked, a cup of tea on his hand, and when Harry didn’t answer he snorted. “Figured.”

 

He pressed his lips together, feeling his words slipping out of his mouth little by little. He would never force Louis to do anything he wasn’t ready for, but he was so tired of this bullshit.

 

“You have to come out, and leave your shitty team,” Harry said, watching Louis freeze.

He shook his head. “I can’t, you know I can’t.”

And he wasn’t serious, but those words made him shiver from head to toe. “You have to try, nobody is going to help you if you don’t let them.”

“Oh, fuck off. It’s too early for me to deal with your pity.”

“What are you talking about? I’m trying to give you a hand here, but you’re so fucking scared of being yourself, to have your own voice. I need to talk for you because you’re so fucking scared of people.”

“There’s no need to talk for me! I have my own mouth, I’m not a fucking kid anymore.”

“That I do know, since you have your own kid now. Or is it yours? They’ll never know because you stupid fucker signed a contract that’s destroying your image without telling me first.”

“I didn’t have time to tell you because you were busy fucking some spoiled ass supermodel.”

“Better than a random girl at a bar.”

 

He knew he touched a nerve when Louis just gave up, turning around to quickly clean his face.

 

“I didn’t fuck her,” he said, grabbing his phone and a pack of cigarettes. “You can grab your shit and go wherever you want without me. Kind of gave your point that you’re tired of speaking for me.”

“No, look-” Louis slammed the door, leaving Harry completely alone.

 

 

 

Louis came back a few hours later, hoping that Harry was gone so he wouldn’t have to see his face for the rest of the day. He was more relaxed now, feeling a little sick after smoking the whole pack of cigarettes.

A shower was something more than necessary now.

There were no sign of Harry in the flat, but his clothes for tomorrow were still on his side of the bed and his suitcases were still resting next to the door. 

A piece of paper was perfectly folded on his pillow, and he rolled his eyes, deciding to read the letter after his shower.

 

_Louis,_

_I love you with all my heart, but you need to get your shit together, right?_

_And I know you don’t like it when I use your past mistakes against you, but take some responsibility, for fuck sake._

_You need to forgive yourself, love, and learn how to move on._

_I’ll be more than happy to help, if you let me…_

_I wrote this just in case you’re not home when I’m leaving._

_H._

 

Harry got into the big house by noon, Sarah and Clare already helping out to bring down all the stuff from the vans. He smiled, feeling a little lost and happy at the same time.

Louis wasn’t home when he came back from dinner with his mom, but neither was the letter, so at least he had time to think now and hopefully, get his shit together.

The whole thing about fighting with Louis was he preferred not keeping him updated with what was going on in his life when they had to travel, it was his way of showing him that he was mad as well. But after a while of just staring at his phone he realized he wasn’t mad at all, and he wanted to share this with him.

He went outside, asking Mitch for a picture.

 

“Hey man, here,” he said, giving his phone to one of the girls.

 

He gave a big smile to the camera, his arms extended, showing the beach and the beautiful patio. Mitch was smiling, too, both thumbs up and his long hair covering part of his face.

**Flight safe! :)**

The three points appeared, but no reply came. He felt his heart sink a little bit, until Louis’ name showed on a coming FaceTime call.

 

“Baby…” He said, suddenly feeling a little bit exposed for a second.

“Listen, I read your letter, and you’re right. I’m scared of trying new things and I don’t want to sign with another record because this is all I know. But I need you to understand that this is not easy for me, I’m still working on accepting that the only person who stops me from doing this is me.”

“How are you better talking to a screen than in person?”

“It's a lot more easier, actually, I don’t have to see that terrible haircut.”

Harry cackled, his cheeks making his eyes look tiny. “Wanker!” He screamed in a laugh. “Promise me you’re going to think about coming out?”

“I think about it every day already, but yeah.”

“What about your team?”

“The contract expires in two years, love, I can’t do much about that.” Louis looked up for a second, sighing. “I have to go, thanks for everything.”

“Lou?”

“Yeah?”

 

Harry gave him the warmest smile, and maybe an accidental screenshot was saved now on his camera roll.

 

“You can talk to me, if you feel like you can’t to anyone else. Always. Talk to me, please?”

“Yeah, I’ll try.”

 

 

 

A whole month passed and Harry wasn’t home yet, keeping in touch was extremely hard with both schedules being so tight, plus the time difference and the fact that Louis was exhausted.

He missed him every day, but he was starting to get used to it. Being so far from Harry made him numb and impatient.

Later that night, he was just done.

He got in bed and soon the tears filled his eyes, thinking about all the things he could’ve done correctly, about when was his turn to start winning instead of being trapped in his own mess.

He started typing on his phone, sending the text quickly before regretting it.

 

**I’m sorry for doing this to you**

**But when are you coming back?**

**I just need a hug so bad, I might die tonight**

 

My mom is sick, he wanted to type, but he deleted it seconds after.

Instead of a text reply, he got an audio three minutes long.

**Don’t ever be sad, I love you.**

He played the audio and stopped breathing when the sound of a guitar filled the silence. It was a soft, warm melody and his eyes didn’t hesitate to fill with tears one more time as he heard him sing.

_Sweet creature_

_had another talk about where it's going wrong_

 

A stupid smile appeared on is face, because, of course he would say that.

 

_But we're still young_

_we don't know where we're goingbut we know where we belong_

_And oh we started_

_Two hearts in one home_

_It's hard when we argue_

_we're both stubborn_

_I know, but oh_

 

By this time, he was already humming the melody, sniffing here and there while he tried to wipe his face. The song kept going, Louis slowly felt himself relax on his own skin.

 

_Sweet creature, sweet creature_

_wherever I go, you bring me home_

_Sweet creature, sweet creature_

_When I run out of road_

 

“You bring me home,” he finished before closing his eyes. He fell sleep feeling warm all over, feeling loved.

And he was. 


End file.
